Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
