I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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