he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
