Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
