New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everything about him screamed your future.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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