Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
