It's Friday. Sex?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
