I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize