Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
