my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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