so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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