I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
