explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
