nut hugger
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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