i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
