In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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