He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
