i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
