Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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