He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
