how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
