my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
