what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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