So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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