dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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