quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
