her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
