are you still at the devil's house?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
