Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
