i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
