you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
