Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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