im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
