and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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