So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
