yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize