Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
