So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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