Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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