Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
