Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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