mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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