so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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