whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
