I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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