And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
