That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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