So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
