Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
