I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
