Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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