Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
