She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
