Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
