its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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