my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
