He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
