well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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