You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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