so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
