i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You need a sexual gate keeper
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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