Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
