i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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