Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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