what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
