I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
