fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
