I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
