My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
