i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
