Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
