so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
