Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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