It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
