He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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