AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
