apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
