There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think my mom watched the whole time
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
