I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
