I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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