I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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