i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
