I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Panties = found
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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