it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
