Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
