I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
