Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
