im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
