i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize