Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
