Soap is not a condiment
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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