Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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