Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
