I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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