Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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