WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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