Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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