dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
