just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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